The Intro

There are many paths through life. What is to one man an inconceivable burden, is to another a way of life. Each must choose their path, and it is through obedience to their chosen path that they may find fulfillment. As the ancient sages have said, it is not ours to tell others how they may find happiness, only to tell them that they can.
- Renmi the Enlightened.

It is a time of wonders and magic, the very first arbelesque has been produced by the genius inventor De Sanse. Great magicians roam the land, some serve the kingdom or a feudal lord, while others simply wander for the sake of it, a few though have turned their great power to the purpose of burning down the world around them. They often have no heart for the results of their magics, no feeling for those left destroyed.

You have been called to take up the reigns of the life of a young woman in this world. I know not by the power of what divine, or otherwise, being you were given this task. I can only ask you serve her well. She was born as human as I, in every way normal and healthy. However in a duel between roaming magicians her fate was cruelly scarred. Her family was murdered, and her right half transfigured with parts of an avian. The one winged girl, hated by her society and cast out onto the streets, has great potential, potential that has been entrusted to you.

Life has thus far been difficult on her, as I've said, but today is a chance for that to change. Guide her well.


I was thinking about this a lot after I got it all written down and did a couple revisions. A good intro is the key to a good piece. You have to grab the reader from the word go, and, like a thesis statement, it needs to be strong enough to propel the story.

I don't quite think I'm there. Anyone have any suggestions?


  1. I can come up with some when I'm more awake if you really want. Not everyone really wants to be critiqued. ;) I'll happily help stylistically - *what* you say is your choice. *How* you say it can be tightened.

  2. I would appreciate it in this instance. =)

  3. Give me a day or two. Sorry to keep you hanging, but RL is smacking me in the nadgers (or would be if I had em)