12.4.10
Things I Want to do as a Game Designer and Why
Things I want to do:
Build a spaceship simulator that takes into account every physical factor effecting the ship. The pressure in the coolant pipes, the heat of the engines, the resistance of the wires, the wear on the bolts, all of it.
Create a virtual world that draws people in to play a game, but keeps them around to experience the world breathing and changing around them. To have a chance to see their own lives mirrored darkly in the world, and walk away with real emotions, honestly edified by the experience.
To allow others a brief glimpse of the world I see all day, every day.
Why:
Because it would be beautiful.
Build a spaceship simulator that takes into account every physical factor effecting the ship. The pressure in the coolant pipes, the heat of the engines, the resistance of the wires, the wear on the bolts, all of it.
Create a virtual world that draws people in to play a game, but keeps them around to experience the world breathing and changing around them. To have a chance to see their own lives mirrored darkly in the world, and walk away with real emotions, honestly edified by the experience.
To allow others a brief glimpse of the world I see all day, every day.
Why:
Because it would be beautiful.
10.4.10
Random Thoughts for Saturday
I've never understood why American television always has to work extra hard to explain everything that is going on it's plot. Even worse when a plot that isn't really trying to be difficult at all seems to leave people in an utter stupor as to what happened and why. Good writing shouldn't have to be explicit to get it's point across, but if the audience can't or won't bridge minor logical gaps it just makes it more difficult on everybody.
"How did they get to the car?" They walked. No seriously, one foot in front of the other. "Why was he there?" Chance. Had an invitation. Happened to be walking by at that moment. Try looking at the contextual clues, was he prepared to be there? Did anybody, oh I don't know, mention his entire reason for being there in a roundabout why?
Probably shouldn't complain, but it's just been that kind of week.
"How did they get to the car?" They walked. No seriously, one foot in front of the other. "Why was he there?" Chance. Had an invitation. Happened to be walking by at that moment. Try looking at the contextual clues, was he prepared to be there? Did anybody, oh I don't know, mention his entire reason for being there in a roundabout why?
Probably shouldn't complain, but it's just been that kind of week.
7.4.10
Lessons from the drafts.
Always write the story first and the disclaimer second. Otherwise you wind up with a stub about a story that sounds down right riveting and no memory of what the story actually was.
3/14/09
Dragons
Before I post this, I feel that this particular story needs some amount of warning. Generally, I'm of the opinion that things should be left with a minimal filter, so I'm going to keep this story as it was originally intended. This means that this story will contain a number of graphic situations, and while I may not go into maximum detail of the situations they will be there. As the story progresses, murder, rape, torture and cannibalism all have roles to play in the overarching story. These are not used for the purposes of titillation or controversy, but rather because the fundamental themes of the story rely on their use to one extent or another. All that being said, I highly recommend you simply not read if you have an active imagination and a weak stomach.
3/14/09
Dragons
Before I post this, I feel that this particular story needs some amount of warning. Generally, I'm of the opinion that things should be left with a minimal filter, so I'm going to keep this story as it was originally intended. This means that this story will contain a number of graphic situations, and while I may not go into maximum detail of the situations they will be there. As the story progresses, murder, rape, torture and cannibalism all have roles to play in the overarching story. These are not used for the purposes of titillation or controversy, but rather because the fundamental themes of the story rely on their use to one extent or another. All that being said, I highly recommend you simply not read if you have an active imagination and a weak stomach.
6.4.10
Absence of Equilibrium as Specific Motivation
In competitive or linear games we spend a lot of time trying to create play experience balance for players. The goal is usually to form a sort of equilibrium between the player and their surroundings. We strive to always give them every tool they would need to stand a fair chance during play. This is not true, however, of sand box style simulation games.
Whether you are talking about Football Manager 2010 or Mount and Blade, you tend to experience a near permanent absence of equilibrium. If we take Mount and Blade for a first example, you want to train a troop of tough and elite soldiers however those soldiers cost more in upkeep requiring you to spend more time trying to gather funds. As you go about the activities required to gather funds you will naturally increase the maximum troops you can command, requiring you to train more soldiers, creating more money sucking elites, etc...
There are two tricks to using this that allow it to function without getting on player's nerves. First the imbalance must rotate. Players will see the imbalance and set a goal of fixing it, that goal must be attainable. Instead the new imbalance should be a second order effect of attaining that goal. Second the game must encourage the player to be fundamentally self-motivated. In Football Manager 2010 for instance, if the player desires to go a perfect season, then they will overcome the rotating imbalances in order to achieve that goal. The same would happen if their goal was to become the top team of the top league, though the important imbalances may be different. On the other hand, if the final goal is dictated by the game ahead of time, the imbalances will seem to be little more than an attempt by the designers to be arbitrary and spiteful.
Whether you are talking about Football Manager 2010 or Mount and Blade, you tend to experience a near permanent absence of equilibrium. If we take Mount and Blade for a first example, you want to train a troop of tough and elite soldiers however those soldiers cost more in upkeep requiring you to spend more time trying to gather funds. As you go about the activities required to gather funds you will naturally increase the maximum troops you can command, requiring you to train more soldiers, creating more money sucking elites, etc...
There are two tricks to using this that allow it to function without getting on player's nerves. First the imbalance must rotate. Players will see the imbalance and set a goal of fixing it, that goal must be attainable. Instead the new imbalance should be a second order effect of attaining that goal. Second the game must encourage the player to be fundamentally self-motivated. In Football Manager 2010 for instance, if the player desires to go a perfect season, then they will overcome the rotating imbalances in order to achieve that goal. The same would happen if their goal was to become the top team of the top league, though the important imbalances may be different. On the other hand, if the final goal is dictated by the game ahead of time, the imbalances will seem to be little more than an attempt by the designers to be arbitrary and spiteful.
5.4.10
Emotional Ticks
Shame: Expressed chiefly as a desire to distance oneself from those whose opinion matter to you. Avoiding eye contact, covering yourself, trying not to look at someone in case they show signs of agitation. The face may go flush, or might experience a mild case of nausea.
Joy: Expressed primarily through the eyes. Generally an upward tilt to the body as well as an increase in energy. Joy acts as a sort of unbound positivity, causing motion where there is none. Joyous people want to be around others, also preferring to look directly at them when possible.
Disgust: The language of hatred. A tick around the nose, tugging at the upper lip and furrowing the brows. Words tend to be spat out due to both the high emotion and the top lip not closing during full words.
Joy: Expressed primarily through the eyes. Generally an upward tilt to the body as well as an increase in energy. Joy acts as a sort of unbound positivity, causing motion where there is none. Joyous people want to be around others, also preferring to look directly at them when possible.
Disgust: The language of hatred. A tick around the nose, tugging at the upper lip and furrowing the brows. Words tend to be spat out due to both the high emotion and the top lip not closing during full words.
4.4.10
Music For Creative Moodifying
Just some youtube vids of music that can really help get you into the flow.
Nujabes - Mystline
Ennio Morricone FT. Nas - Ecstasy of Gold (Dj Erb)
Grandaddy - Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)
Nujabes - Mystline
Ennio Morricone FT. Nas - Ecstasy of Gold (Dj Erb)
Grandaddy - Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)
3.4.10
Hate and Love
"I hate the silence.
The way it crawls in under your skin, working it's way into your bones. Then my muscles start twitching. All the nerves on my spine prodding me about the phantoms watching me from the shadows. Every slight twist in the light, every half heard sound hinting at the existence of something dangerous just beyond my senses.
I'd speak, or hum, or scream, but then I wouldn't be able to hear. Some rational part of my mind chides me for how silly it is, jumping at shadows but refusing to turn on the light. Items and clothing discarded at the very edges of the shadows are functioning as Rorschach tests of my paranoia. Still I can't move, can't make the short trek to the light switch that would act as my salvation.
The tendrils of burning cold fear that had begun at my spine have spread their grasp to the muscles in my arms. Click, it's coming from the window, click, click. Branches I tell myself, my legs paralyzed but their muscles tensed. The silence returns but does not carry my relief. It's only natural, after all, I hate the silence."
"I love the silence.
The world which normally assaults me with all it's Technicolor sights and sounds is left at arms length. Here I am forgotten, alone, left to think without the interruption of the normal world. The silence envelops me, holding me close like a long parted lover.
Everything that I know should be around me has disappeared from my conscious awareness. Whatever may have been necessary out there, is now an afterthought soon cleansed from my mind. Peace. All around me, the gentle peace restores my bonds with that which I left behind in the loud and bright world. Protected by the silence I can let slip the barriers that force me to remain aloof and paralyzed in daily life.
I am relaxed. I am at peace. I love the silence."
The way it crawls in under your skin, working it's way into your bones. Then my muscles start twitching. All the nerves on my spine prodding me about the phantoms watching me from the shadows. Every slight twist in the light, every half heard sound hinting at the existence of something dangerous just beyond my senses.
I'd speak, or hum, or scream, but then I wouldn't be able to hear. Some rational part of my mind chides me for how silly it is, jumping at shadows but refusing to turn on the light. Items and clothing discarded at the very edges of the shadows are functioning as Rorschach tests of my paranoia. Still I can't move, can't make the short trek to the light switch that would act as my salvation.
The tendrils of burning cold fear that had begun at my spine have spread their grasp to the muscles in my arms. Click, it's coming from the window, click, click. Branches I tell myself, my legs paralyzed but their muscles tensed. The silence returns but does not carry my relief. It's only natural, after all, I hate the silence."
"I love the silence.
The world which normally assaults me with all it's Technicolor sights and sounds is left at arms length. Here I am forgotten, alone, left to think without the interruption of the normal world. The silence envelops me, holding me close like a long parted lover.
Everything that I know should be around me has disappeared from my conscious awareness. Whatever may have been necessary out there, is now an afterthought soon cleansed from my mind. Peace. All around me, the gentle peace restores my bonds with that which I left behind in the loud and bright world. Protected by the silence I can let slip the barriers that force me to remain aloof and paralyzed in daily life.
I am relaxed. I am at peace. I love the silence."
1.4.10
April Fools
Is not a day for blog posts that are intended to be serious. So there is going to be a rain check on the one I was working on for today. If you want my idea of an April Fools joke, check the last post about Trekkie crusaders.
29.3.10
The Crusades
Star Wars Convention Under Assault by Star Trek Crusaders
The Los Angeles Convention Center before yesterday's attack.
LOS ANGELES - It was an otherwise bright and balmy day at the Los Angeles Convention Center in downtown Los Angeles yesterday. However, underneath the calm exterior, a far more sinister and brutal scene was taking place. At noon a group of extremist Star Trek fans assaulted the building in the middle of the largest official Star Wars convention, Star Wars Celebration V.
In a matter of hours, the combined force of cosplaying Klingon, Federation and Romulan fans had secured a little over half the premises. They had soon erected a 12' tall statue to Gene Roddenberry, also consecrating the convention center as holy ground in his name. Despite the fierce Trekkie assault, the Star Wars fans have managed to secure their own ground within the center due to an unprecedented truce between the imperials and the jedi.
Fighting continued throughout the night with many of the taller Trekkies donning Jar Jar Binks costumes for brave suicide raids on enemy defenses. Not to be outdone the Star Wars fans managed to erect a pair of large projection screens on the front lines, playing so called "reset" episodes of Star Trek: Voyager in an endless loop to break the enemy's spirit. Despite the efforts of both sides, neither has yet managed any sort of conclusive offense and the stalemate is expected to continue for some time to come.
The crack imperial cosplay 501st unit prepares to join the fray.
In the hopes of breaking the deadly stalemate, both sides have sent ambassadors to Los Angeles' anime community and online anime forums hoping to strike an alliance with the remaining fandom super power. So far there has been no word from the anime community, supposedly the gift boxes of Star Wars: Clone Wars have not been well received, while the 3 foot scale models of the Enterprise A may have won the Trekkies a critical diplomatic victory with the model makers.
The decision, however, largely hinges on the currently split demographic of Yaoi slash fic fans. A recent surge in high quality Kirk/Spock and Luke/Han doujins has completely divided the already fractured community. Proposals for an updated Chekov/Sulu pair, using the actors from the new J.J. Abrams movie as models, have become a popular hope for breaking the deadlock.
The Los Angeles Convention Center before yesterday's attack.
LOS ANGELES - It was an otherwise bright and balmy day at the Los Angeles Convention Center in downtown Los Angeles yesterday. However, underneath the calm exterior, a far more sinister and brutal scene was taking place. At noon a group of extremist Star Trek fans assaulted the building in the middle of the largest official Star Wars convention, Star Wars Celebration V.
In a matter of hours, the combined force of cosplaying Klingon, Federation and Romulan fans had secured a little over half the premises. They had soon erected a 12' tall statue to Gene Roddenberry, also consecrating the convention center as holy ground in his name. Despite the fierce Trekkie assault, the Star Wars fans have managed to secure their own ground within the center due to an unprecedented truce between the imperials and the jedi.
Fighting continued throughout the night with many of the taller Trekkies donning Jar Jar Binks costumes for brave suicide raids on enemy defenses. Not to be outdone the Star Wars fans managed to erect a pair of large projection screens on the front lines, playing so called "reset" episodes of Star Trek: Voyager in an endless loop to break the enemy's spirit. Despite the efforts of both sides, neither has yet managed any sort of conclusive offense and the stalemate is expected to continue for some time to come.
The crack imperial cosplay 501st unit prepares to join the fray.
In the hopes of breaking the deadly stalemate, both sides have sent ambassadors to Los Angeles' anime community and online anime forums hoping to strike an alliance with the remaining fandom super power. So far there has been no word from the anime community, supposedly the gift boxes of Star Wars: Clone Wars have not been well received, while the 3 foot scale models of the Enterprise A may have won the Trekkies a critical diplomatic victory with the model makers.
The decision, however, largely hinges on the currently split demographic of Yaoi slash fic fans. A recent surge in high quality Kirk/Spock and Luke/Han doujins has completely divided the already fractured community. Proposals for an updated Chekov/Sulu pair, using the actors from the new J.J. Abrams movie as models, have become a popular hope for breaking the deadlock.
So I've Been Taking Time Off
I haven't been posting here frequently. I know how good that is for my readership numbers... but I still felt the silence somewhat necessary. There is probably a feeling that I must not have had much to say, but that is entirely contrary to reality. In fact, there was a whole lot I wanted to say, but most of it was general life whinery and wanting to chew certain people out. The rest was that there were a lot of issues I wanted to take a wait and see approach to.
Now I'm planning on being back, so let's get down to business.
Latest Stuffins
I just uninstalled all the games on my computer. The truth is, I've been having this overwhelming feeling of ennui towards games lately. I look at my game list and just feel bored with it all. That sucks, and it gets me constantly wasting precious dollars on new, to me, games to relieve the boredom. Worst of all, I still wind up playing games rather than doing any of the things I really should be doing... especially the things that could actually result in my getting paid.
So here is my answer to the universe, I want to make games more than I want to play them, and it's just the temptation that gets to me. Temptation removed.
On My Mind
Dear MMO developers... WTF. I've been having high hopes for ya'll for a while now. Figured just give you some time and you'll really get around to wowing me at some point. Uggh, total failure. It's all more of the same crap. RPG trappings for no other reason than to have RPG trappings. Seriously, it's like making a spacecraft with wings for no other reason than aircraft have wings. You can make all the crap you want, but if you hold onto all the useless bits you'll never actually arrive at great design.
Vis a vis Cuppy vs. Game Designers and MMO Bloggers, what exactly is the point of all this? Okay, so some of the people who don't like Facebook games go a little too far in it, but can we drop the innuendo that people who don't see Facebook games as the second coming of Christ are all myopic dinosaurs begging for their own extinction. Facebook games are just another iteration of web games, and hey I liked web games. In fact one of my all time favorite games that I seldom shut up about, Neveron, was a web game. Still, it's just another iteration of an older concept, this time with a new audience. Some of that audience will stick, some of it won't. People who can't personally respect that audience and their taste in games really shouldn't be making games for them anyways.
Personally, I have some doubts as to the value of Facebook as a medium. Between the different monetization models and the extreme stratification between the winners and everyone else, it's hard for me to believe that a small company can really turn enough of a profit to stay in business. Doesn't mean I'd turn down an offer to work on one in exchange for fair payment though.
Otherwise, not much is really up. I still hate programming with a passion, and am still trying to program a game in XNA. The combination isn't working out very well for me, but I've had 3-4 different programmers up and disappear on me. The whole run around of not knowing whether their still working on my project or not, and my own timidity leading to my not busting down their doors looking for answers, is just too much for me. So I'm giving this a try on my own steam, which I expect to run out soon if it hasn't already.
Desperate Plea
I am really, completely, stupidly broke. I know nobody has ever used the Tip Jar over there, but really.. if you could spare a buck... or fifty cents or you know two bits, anything at freaking all, I wouldn't be above accepting it. In fact, I'll gladly grovel for it. And I know it says it's for Thetagamerz, that was a business I tried setting up a while back... it didn't work out.
If there is something within my skill set that someone would like to pay me to do, by all means throw me a comment or an email (sara.pickell at gmail dot com).
Now I'm planning on being back, so let's get down to business.
Latest Stuffins
I just uninstalled all the games on my computer. The truth is, I've been having this overwhelming feeling of ennui towards games lately. I look at my game list and just feel bored with it all. That sucks, and it gets me constantly wasting precious dollars on new, to me, games to relieve the boredom. Worst of all, I still wind up playing games rather than doing any of the things I really should be doing... especially the things that could actually result in my getting paid.
So here is my answer to the universe, I want to make games more than I want to play them, and it's just the temptation that gets to me. Temptation removed.
On My Mind
Dear MMO developers... WTF. I've been having high hopes for ya'll for a while now. Figured just give you some time and you'll really get around to wowing me at some point. Uggh, total failure. It's all more of the same crap. RPG trappings for no other reason than to have RPG trappings. Seriously, it's like making a spacecraft with wings for no other reason than aircraft have wings. You can make all the crap you want, but if you hold onto all the useless bits you'll never actually arrive at great design.
Vis a vis Cuppy vs. Game Designers and MMO Bloggers, what exactly is the point of all this? Okay, so some of the people who don't like Facebook games go a little too far in it, but can we drop the innuendo that people who don't see Facebook games as the second coming of Christ are all myopic dinosaurs begging for their own extinction. Facebook games are just another iteration of web games, and hey I liked web games. In fact one of my all time favorite games that I seldom shut up about, Neveron, was a web game. Still, it's just another iteration of an older concept, this time with a new audience. Some of that audience will stick, some of it won't. People who can't personally respect that audience and their taste in games really shouldn't be making games for them anyways.
Personally, I have some doubts as to the value of Facebook as a medium. Between the different monetization models and the extreme stratification between the winners and everyone else, it's hard for me to believe that a small company can really turn enough of a profit to stay in business. Doesn't mean I'd turn down an offer to work on one in exchange for fair payment though.
Otherwise, not much is really up. I still hate programming with a passion, and am still trying to program a game in XNA. The combination isn't working out very well for me, but I've had 3-4 different programmers up and disappear on me. The whole run around of not knowing whether their still working on my project or not, and my own timidity leading to my not busting down their doors looking for answers, is just too much for me. So I'm giving this a try on my own steam, which I expect to run out soon if it hasn't already.
Desperate Plea
I am really, completely, stupidly broke. I know nobody has ever used the Tip Jar over there, but really.. if you could spare a buck... or fifty cents or you know two bits, anything at freaking all, I wouldn't be above accepting it. In fact, I'll gladly grovel for it. And I know it says it's for Thetagamerz, that was a business I tried setting up a while back... it didn't work out.
If there is something within my skill set that someone would like to pay me to do, by all means throw me a comment or an email (sara.pickell at gmail dot com).
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